((Have I done this before??. . .moments of Dejavu))
Here are excerpts from my incomplete entries:
*3-12-11: “Si Dios Quiere*
It’s a common phrase in the Dominican Republic. . .”Si Dios Quiere.”
You say “See you tomorrow,” after visiting some friends or family members. The response? “If God wills it.” You wish someone a great day. The response? “If God wills it.” Etc. This phrase did not exist in my world until I arrived in the DR. It, however, has had an important presence in my life before I ever stepped into the DR:
I applied to the Peace Corps. Would I get in? Where would I be sent? My heart was set on South or Central America, but primarily South America and more specifically Peru and Bolivia (and even more specifically Peru). This is what my heart wanted. But some of the most valuable lessons I have learned in life is that Life (o Dios) often has other plans and it is not in your power to control it. One can resist, try to force their life to fit the image that they would like it to be. One can try to swim against the tide of life. But those who do, will forever be frustrated and discontent and eventually will feel the wear. . .you can’t forever go against the flow. Sometimes you got to give in, set your ideas to the side, keep your eyes and heart open wide, and be ready for life’s surprises.
So yes, however you want to say it, life had a different idea for me. I am here, because “Dios lo quiere.” Because I have faith in life and have found that this is where I am supposed to be right now despite my heart’s desires (at least this is what I thought).
If you take a plane 2 hours south of Florida, the world becomes a different place. Your experience in this life is really dependent on where you are born. Your relationship with the world is really dependent on whether you are willing to open your eyes and resist the temptation to ignore or to hide. Why are some of us lacking in basic necessities and other flourishing with more than our fair share of the world’s resources? Some might say it’s the nature of life- not all can be the haves. There always must exist the have-nots. But when you look at the super-abundance that exists in certain countries, and look at the suffering that shrouds others, one really starts to wonder about the priorities of the haves and have-nots. The haves reason with the fortuity of their condition and their remote relationship with the outside world. If you cannot see nor feel the suffering on a daily basis, it is easy to continue participation in the super-abundant life without weight on ones conscious. The have-nots simply must try to survive. They may not be aware of how much the haves really possess . . .nor dream to be a person who haves to such excess. They just want the simple rights of life: clean water, food, shelter, a safe place to raise their family. Must the haves really have all that they do. . .Can’t we for once and all sincerely try to make this world a better place?!
Our Peace Corps Director told us “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” And yes, that is true. Things work a little differently in Latin America. For some strange reason, however, this place feels very familiar and much like home. Yes, there are differences from Peru. . .but my heart readily welcomes the Latin beat and vivacity that is attached to it.
Currently I am living with a wonderful family. . .my Dona and her sister are beauticians (estilistas) and own a salon. Between the two of them, there are 5 beautiful kids that keep me very well entertained. The house is beautiful and my barrio is pretty “tranquilo.” They say that the DR is one of the loudest countries. . .but I think the Latinos just like things loud and the sounds are normal occurrences (such as people selling things on the street shouting their goods or families playing their music loud).
As I spend time with my family, a peaceful thought comes often to my mind. I imagine all the families in all the countries and cultures all over the world. I imagine them sharing their time, supporting each other, going through the joys and sorrows of life together. . .but most of all, they are all tied with love. And no matter our differences, we are tied by the importance of family. . .this comforts me, especially when the world climate seems to not be fairing well. What it all comes down to is family. . .and in that respect, we are all very well humanly related despite the divisions.”
~~~
*Sometime in early May*
There are beautiful people in this world. Beautiful connections are made everyday, even with those who may not be living anymore. These connections make for a blessed life. And when life seems to lose it luster, which at times it has the tendency to do, perhaps it’s time to reach out, let go, and lose control. You can not choose what life will show you, but we can be as receptive as possible to the opportunities that it chooses to reveal to us. There has never been a successful attempt to control life. . .the best events come from a lack of control.
My first house, as I have come back to it after 5 weeks of environmental training in the mountains outside of Santiago, sits pretty as I look through the arches of framed paintings of fruit, a pastoral scene, bright flowers blaring out from the darkness, a boat on the ocean, and a woman deep in sad pensive thought. When I was here, I didn’t know what this country was about. I strongly felt that even though I was here, this was not my place. I fought it’s will. . .life’s will to have me here on this island, in this “pais”, in the midst of my heart’s yanking efforts to pull to another direction. But as I sit here, I feel a bit more comfortable. These paintings, oddly, foreshadowed my last 5 weeks, though I knew it not when I was living here before.
There is a painting of a pastoral scene with a river flowing by a country house. . .we lived in the campo by a river in the mountains.
There are several paintings of the victuals that the Dominican diet can at times lack: fruits, ripe and full of wonderful nutrients and vitamins. Granted, we live on a tropical island- there are plenty of delicious tropical fruits here. Somehow, however, the fruits don’t always find their way into the general diet (unless you consider boiled or fried green bananas a fruit. . .which it’s not). My house in the mountains had similar paintings around. The placemats had images of fresh vegetables. Maybe by looking at the images of these items of freshness and healthy balance, one could feel their benefits entering into the consciousness of the body via a visual form of nutrient transfer. I remember having one apple, two dishes with broccoli, and the common eggplant, but most of the time, we ate according to the Dominican concept of a balanced diet: starch, with starch, and oh yeah more starch.
There is a painting of a ship at sea at the house in Santo Domingo. My house in the mountains also had a picture of a ship at sea. No matter where you are in this country, you’re not too far from the ocean (concepts of distance are a bit construed. . .a trip of 3 hours can be seen as a long trip and a trip of 5 hours can be seen as if one was going to the ends of the earth). We are by the ocean and of course the nautical theme is appropriate. This is after all the first place Christopher Columbus collided with, beginning the onslaught of all things Old World in a naive and unexposed New World.
There is a painting of some snap-dragon type flowers, fuscia and yellow with their mouths opened wide, yawning lazily. Strange slabs of disconnected color define a trunk from which they are growing. In both paintings, the viewer receives the impression of an underwater scene from another planet. This is the same artist of the same flowers of the same color of the painting that sits in my family’s house in the mountains.
Finally there is a painting of a woman with downcast eyes, looking reflective with remorse. In the mountains outside of Santiago, was living with a wonderful family that had suffered many losses. My host mom, a gruff looking stout woman whose cover suggested a lack warmth and kindness, had lost a daughter to a motorcycle accident 5 years ago. Her son was in the accident too and cracked his head open. She died on the spot- a collision with a bus (gua gua). Around the same time, her mother died, followed unexpectedly by her brother. Her husband then got in a car accident and lost his arm. But despite these and other losses that occurred while I was there, they were a strong, warm, and loving family. And best of all, they were openly and delightfully a little crazy. . .the good type of crazy. . .the crazy that likes to laugh and enjoy life. My first night there was a bit of a nightmare. I went to bed and woke up to a mattress full of ants. . .ants were crawling all over the bed and me. The problem was resolved and that night lived on as a story to tell to anyone who came over to visit. They introduced me as their daughter and then would go on to tell about my first night in their house and how I didn’t sleep a wink.
Small occurrences in life suggest that not everything can be accounted for by logical explanations. Before I arrived at my host family’s house in the mountains, I scribbled a drawing of the classical negative/positive shape effect: a vase whose negative space forms two silhouettes. When I arrived at my host family’s house, they showed to me with pride a “very rare painting.” It was more like a print of the same optical effect but more detailed with guitarists and women hidden within the image. I then knew I was in the right place.
“Ay Santisimo. . .” a common utterance in the house.
To receive, one must first give of their self. . .and give not to receive. . .and shed one’s sense of self, so that one’s entire essence is open to give, to pass through individual and group doors and see the view from the other side.
